As with any battle in life, we have our good days and our
bad days. As I’ve said before, as long as the latter is the exception and not
the rule, it’s ok . . . however, it seems like my mind and emotions continue to
wrestle for control, but I do believe it is important and healthy to release
our emotions and not suppress them. It is also vital we focus on the positives.
I have told several of you my blessings far out weight my battles associated
with breast cancer, and they do :)
Our “Pathway to Recovery” has challenged us in many ways.
Accepting the fact I have breast cancer was probably one of the hardest
challenges. But from the moment I was diagnosed, Scott and I declared I would
be a survivor from the very beginning, and I will!
Ok . . . now that I have reminded myself of a few important
things here is my update from our recent visit this week:
First of all, we had a great time in Chicago
with Austin Wilson Tower Millennium
Park
On Monday morning, we had breakfast then met with our
surgeon. He was very pleased with the surgery, and felt he got it all. My
margins looked good, but he reminded us there is always that chance a few cells
could be left behind. He also told us my cancer was Stage 1.
We then met with our plastic surgeon. After three weeks to
the day since my surgery, he removed my drains – YAY!! He also added about 100
cc’s of saline into my expanders, which gave me a bit more definition but
created a bit more discomfort. He too was very pleased with the surgery and how
I am healing. The numbness, burning sensation and pain is expected due to the
surgery, as well as the expanders, so I just ensured we got another
prescription of what I refer to as the yellow pills :) When we left his office,
we were scheduled to return in three weeks for my expander fluids.
This appointment was followed by a consultation with a
chaplain, as well as mind and body. Then lunch :)
Next came the long-awaited appointment with our oncologist.
The short of the long of it is, in addition to hormone therapy for the next
five to ten years, I will be having four chemo treatments, one every three
weeks beginning next week. How did this come about?
For those of you who are familiar with breast cancer, you
probably know when they predict the possibility of your cancer returning, they
take the pathology report, as well as your age, health, etc. The report then
tells you if you are at high, low or intermediate risk. Guess where I was? Yep,
intermediate, which meant the decision, was more mine than the doctor’s. So we
discussed and deliberated the short term risks with chemo, as well as the long
term risks. This discussion was not a short conversation but rather lengthy,
yet necessary. After all the information and options were on the table, I
looked at Austin who had fallen asleep in Scott’s lap, and I looked at Scott,
then held his hand . . . tightly, as I began
to cry. Scott knew exactly why I was shedding tears without me saying a word.
Our oncologist stepped out of the room long enough for me to
choke back my tears and try to discuss this with Scott. I told him if I didn’t
do chemo and my cancer came back, I’d never forgive myself. But, if I chose to
do chemo and my cancer came back, I’d have the satisfaction of knowing we
tried. I told Scott I’m 43 and I have too much to live for to not do the chemo,
as I rubbed Austin
After the oncologist returned, I shared with him my decision
and the reasons why, as they were seated right beside me. He too was
supportive. He said we would only need to do four treatments, one every three
weeks. He also felt I would be able to handle it well. I don’t remember the
names of the two cocktails I will receive but the initials were TC . . . how
ironic is that?
Also, if you remember, after I had an MRI in Johnson City then a biopsy of my left breast in Chicago
Before we left the room, my plastic surgeon called and
wanted to talk to me as this would change our upcoming plans and appointment.
He too endorsed my decision, which made us feel even better.
So, we will be returning this Thursday, October 24 for my
first treatment. And yes, I am choosing to have my chemo at CTCA. Being a
patient there, they know me, and since it is only once every three weeks, I
felt it was best to continue my treatment there.
As I just mentioned, this will delay the next part of my
reconstructive surgery and hysterectomy (remember, since I have the BRCA2 gene
and the mutation, my chance for ovarian cancer increased dramatically so we’re
going to be proactive to avoid ovarian cancer), but that’s ok . . . once again,
I know we made the right decision.
As several of you know, I had my hair cut really short after
my first surgery when I was hospitalized for two nights, and Scott did his best
to fix my hair. But if you remember, he was fired from that job :) So, my dear
friend and hair stylist, Jennifer, cut it really short so I could shower and go
since I could not get my arms up to dry it or style it. I also actually had the
thought in the back of my mind should I have chemo, there would be less to
loose. So, it wasn’t all about Scott. But I have to brag, since it has grown
out a bit, he has become quite the hair stylist. Jennifer, you might want to
look out! lol
But the other night, we were talking about this subject, and
Scott had the best idea . . . ever. He told me I should be proactive. He
encouraged me to get my head shaved before we go back and not let the cancer
and chemo take it away. And he’s right . . . so before we leave this coming
week, Jennifer is going to shave my head and Scott told me he too would shave
his . . .
So, it’s been a difficult week . . . I have decided the
emotions associated with breast cancer can be one of the greatest challenges in
this battle. But like other battles we fight in this life, you get to a point
where you become stronger and more courageous. Then you put on your armor ready
for the next combat. As a result, I’ve been reminded that I’m in it to win it,
and this is just one more challenge I will overcome and one step closer to
being a survivor.
Joshua 1:9
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