One Year Ago Today

One year ago today, July 30, 2013, at approximately 4:50 p.m., I heard those three little words I thought I’d never hear. No . . . they were not “I love you.” After having a stereotactic biopsy the day before, my OBGYN called to tell me “You have cancer.” I thought I had been handed a death sentence  . . . the week before my wedding.

At first it didn’t really sink in. He began telling me he wanted to refer me to a surgeon as soon as possible. He felt confident we had caught it early and it was confined to a milk duct, but I would soon learn more about my diagnosis when I met with the surgeon. He told me there were a couple he’d recommend, but there was one surgeon he highly recommended. I told him whoever I could see the soonest was the one I wanted to see as I began pleading with him since I was about to get married. By this time, it was after 5 p.m. and his office was closed. But he assured me he would have his staff get on this first thing in the morning.

All of a sudden everything he had said didn’t seem to make sense to me nor could I remember it all. So I asked him if my fiancé could call him should he have any questions I could not answer. He was very gracious and gave me his cell phone number.

After we hung up, I sat on the side of the bed trying to process it all. Do I call Scott? I thought. Surely he’d be getting off work soon. And about that time my cell phone rang. It was Scott. I was trying very hard not to break nor give off a signal of fear, and I apparently did ok. He wanted to know what he could pick up for dinner. I encouraged him to come by the house first then we’d decide.

Since I had had the stereotactic biopsy the day before, I had spent most of the day in bed as directed. Apparently there is a risk of bleeding within the first 24 hours so the less you do the better. So I slid back in bed, except this time I was sitting up, anxiously awaiting Scott’s arrival. Trying to decide how to tell him I have cancer. Cancer. The “C” word. Could I actually say it? I don’t know . . . my head was spinning! I quickly felt very nauseated. We should probably hold off on the wedding, I thought. But Scott has worked so hard to make all the arrangements . . . ugh . . . what to do? What not to do?

And Austin . . . Oh my God . . . what will Austin do if something happens to me? Scott could manage fine without me but not Austin . . . he needs his mother, plus, he’s been through enough. Maybe the surgeon will tell us it’s a mistake. Oh, how I pray we can the surgeon tomorrow!

By the time, I had this mental battle well underway in my head, I hear “Hey darlin’.” There is Scott. God he looked handsome . . . . He came over and kissed me. There was immediately a lump in my throat the size of Texas . . . I calmly told him we needed to talk and asked him to close the door. He did then knelt down by the bed and held my hand with that beautiful smile on his face. I looked him straight in his gorgeous blue eyes and said, “My doctor called . . . I have cancer.” The look on his face . . . he broke . . . bellowing, “Nooooo! Nooooo!” I held his head in my lap consoling him, trying to assure him it would all be ok. I immediately began trying to explain everything my doctor had told me, which I could not remember most of it. But the two things I could remember were, it was found in a milk duct so it was confined and apparently caught early.

I told Scott I had his cell phone number so he could call him later, and he did. After a few hours in and out and behind closed doors, I told Scott I wanted to tell Austin. For 10 years, it had just been the two of us, and I was always open and honest with Austin. Although we hadn’t told anyone else yet, I wanted him to hear it from me. So with the three of us piled up in my bed, we broke the news. A lot of it he could not comprehend, but the one thing I assured him was I would be ok. When I had my stroke, I told him I’d be ok, and I was. This upcoming battle would be no exception. I would and could beat it! Plus, this time we had one more on our team – Scott . . .

And a year later, WE have beat it!

Today, Wednesday, July 30, 2014, I celebrate my one year anniversary of being a breast cancer SURVIVOR!

For several months, I had imagined what this day would hold, this momentous occasion in my life . . . we’d have a big pink party to celebrate this milestone. But instead, Scott and I are headed to Nashville. Crum-Teague Healthier Solutions is a vendor at the Plum Expo, the National Women’s Survivor Convention at the Opryland Hotel. I mean  . . . who would have thought? One year ago today I’m trying to simply accept my diagnosis. Now, 20+ trips later to the Cancer Treatment Center of Chicago, having found cancer in my right breast initially then a more evasive tumor in my left breast, who knows the number of tears, scans, tests and vials of blood, five surgeries, four chemo treatments and the loss of hair, one year later I’m headed to celebrate with approximately 1,000 other ladies from across the country who too have conquered their battles with cancer. And yes, I have my “sparkle” on!

But no worries, I feel a “pink” party coming on soon!

In closing, Jesus honored God by fulfilling His purpose on earth. Remember, as believers, we should honor God the same way. When anything in creation fulfills its purpose, it brings glory to our Creator. “So God may you continue to use me to bring glory to you . . . God work through me,” Susan.

 

 

From One to Ten . . . Amen

First of all, THANK YOU for your prayers, as well as your thoughts, phone calls, texts, messages, etc. We greatly appreciated everyone’s acts of concern during my unforeseen surgery last week.

The last time I blogged was while I was on the plane on Thursday, July 10, headed to the Cancer Treatment Center of America (CTCA) for my appointments with plans to return on Friday, July 11. My appointments were a result of the persisted pain, burning and numbness in my left hand and arm, which was also were beginning to affect my right side. It began about the middle of May. After my surgery the end of May, Dr. Chris Stephenson, D.O. took all the pain away through his miraculous manipulation, but unfortunately, it returned.

I saw him again during my post-op appointment the middle of June. Once again, Dr. Stephenson was able to help alleviate the pain to a degree but no entirely.

After returning, home the pain continued to persist and worsen. So Scott made me an appointment with Dr. Stephenson the first of last week for July 10 with plans to return home on July 11. One night, not ten. With Scott’s schedule and Austin’s football practice, he elected to stay home.

After I saw Dr. Stephenson on Thursday, he wanted to see me again Friday morning before I left. I was scheduled to leave the CTCA at 11:30 a.m., headed to the airport. Instead, we are sitting in his office with Scott on speaker phone as Dr. Stephenson wanted to get an MRI of my neck. Since his manipulations were not working, he was almost certain there was something else going on in addition to my neuropathy. Unfortunately, we could not get the MRI completed until 5 p.m. so he told Scott he was going to keep me an extra night.

While Dr. Stephenson began some manipulations to provide me with some temporary relief, I could hear my phone buzzing. When we were through, Dr. Stephenson looked at his phone and had a text from Scott, saying he and Austin were on their way. And my two missed called? You guessed it! It was my husband. We called Scott back and he was adamant they drive up so I would not have to be alone . . . that’s my husband!

The MRI took about two-and-a-half hours. As the tech was helping raise me up from the table, I looked in the mirror in front of me, expecting to see my glare but there stood Dr. Stephenson, texting the radiologist and neurosurgeon. I could not believe he was still there! He told me it appeared I had a couple of disks on the spine, which could be causing a lot of my pain but he would let us know when he heard from the other doctors and what the treatment options would be.

So, I returned to the hotel, checking in for the second time, had dinner, then became very fidgety awaiting the arrival of my boys! Scott had anticipated an arrival time of about 10 p.m. and within just a few minutes, they walked through the doors – I was sooooo excited to see them!

The next morning Dr. Stephenson called us with an appointment on Monday morning to see a neurosurgeon, someone who he trusted greatly. So we tried to enjoy the rest of our weekend despite the level of pain I was experiencing.

On Monday morning, we checked out of the hotel as we were off to hopefully find out what was going and what could be done. Dr. Alzate showed us the MRI on his computer where two disks were pressed up against the spine, not the nerve, referring to it as cervical degenerative disk disease. The treatment? An ACDN: Anterior Cervical Discectomy Fusion where he would remove the two degenerative discs in the neck area of my spine. The incision is made in the front of the spine through the throat area. After the disc is removed, a bone graft is inserted to fuse together the bones above and below the disc space. Scott and I discussed it and decided to move ahead with surgery. We had hoped to do this week (week of July 21) but Dr. Alzate was not available then; however, he did have an opening on July 17. Oh wait! July 17 . . . the day we were going to the beach for a long weekend. I was and had been in so much pain I agreed to the date just to get this all behind me/us.

After we left his office, we then followed up with Dr. Stephenson. While talking with Dr. Stephenson, he encouraged us to seek a second opinion. But, I’m thinking, my surgery is scheduled for Thursday!?!? A second opinion could take days, weeks. In addition, he decided to get an MRI of my left elbow just to make sure there was nothing else going on there.

Then Scott and I talked about and agreed he and Austin would return home then fly back Wednesday if in fact we were moving forward with surgery. And if not, then I’d use my return flight home. It was so hard to see them leave, but we had peace we were doing the right thing. Scott had several appointments he needed to follow up on plus Austin had football practice. But I have to give Coach Newberry a shout-out for his understanding and allowing Austin to miss practice on Monday. As he told Scott, “. . . family first . . .” And there are so many people there who we’ve become friends with, I don’t always feel like I’m 10 hours away from home.

On Tuesday morning Dr. Stephenson called to let me know I had an appointment with another neurosurgeon. Unbelievable! That quickly! This doctor had not reviewed Dr. Alzate’s notes so he was providing a very objective opinion. And guess what? Everything he saw on the MRI and his recommended treatment plan was in line with Dr. Alzate.

So I texted Scott to tell him their flight arrangements were being made so they could return on Wednesday. Our original plan was to have Scott and Austin come to the hotel on Wednesday morning, but the limo had to stop at the CTCA first. I told Scott that was fine. I was thinking in my head . . . if I can get ready in five minutes to be in the lobby to catch the hotel shuttle I could get there in time to surprise them! And I did! We could not have timed it any better.

Wednesday was filled with pre-op appointments then Thursday came rather quickly. When I tried to wake up from surgery, it was as difficult as always. I just don’t wake up well from the anesthesia. Given the type of surgery I had, Dr. Alzate normally admits his patients to ICU, but I did so well, I was admitted to the step down ICU.

Since they were still trying to get my pain regulated, they decided to keep me an extra night. This would allow me the opportunity to spend one night at the hotel before returning home on Sunday. And that’s what we did! We will return in three weeks for my follow up.

One of my biggest disappointments? My neck brace apparently does not come in pink. No sparkle, no bling, nothing. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything given the comfort it provides.

Although I was originally scheduled for one night, which turned into ten, I was reminded of Genesis 1:10: “. . . and God saw that it was good.” It was amazing the turns and hills and bumps in the road the last week-and-a-half but God saw that it was good. I cannot remember a trip to the CTCA where I had the privilege of meeting so many people . . . the opportunity to minister to others, pray with them, cry with them. I was even able to attend a women’s breakfast group last Friday morning led by our chaplain, Toi Thomas. I was so blessed by this trip in so many ways . . . and had it been up and back overnight, I think about all the blessings I would have missed.

So, remember, it’s God’s plan and His timing, not ours, even if it goes from 1 to 10 . . . Amen. 

 

 

Can Three Months Turn Into Three Weeks?

Thursday, July 10, 2014, 12:45 p.m. EST

Just three weeks ago, we received the most anticipated news since “Our Pathway to Recovery” began almost a year ago: “We’ll see you in three months for a checkup unless you need us in the meantime.” Unfortunately, I need them in the meantime.

Yes, I am on a flight to the Cancer Treatment Center of America (CTCA) in Chicago with pain in my left hand and arm. Last night, I woke up three times with unbearable burning and pain. I could have literally screamed at times. But instead, I cried as Scott walked me around the bedroom and in our bathroom, against my wishes, just hoping movement would alleviate some of it until the pain pill he gave me kicked in and would hopefully allow me to rest and go back to sleep. But it didn’t . . .

Although last night was the worst incident to-date, it’s ironic I will be seeing my doctor today at 3 p.m. (CST), and I’m just praying he will be able to give me relief, both short-term and long-term. If it requires weekly visits, more medicine, surgery, etc., I’m willing to do whatever it takes in order to get relief.

About the middle of May, I became experiencing a discomfort in my left arm. What I described Scott thought it could be tennis elbow. So he bought me one of those braces you were when you have tennis elbow. It felt good once I put it on, but it never alleviated the pain.

By the end of May, I began experiencing a lot of pain in my left arm and hand but no burning. I noticed it was worse when I was still, i.e. riding in the car, at night. We assumed my neuropathy had worsened as a result of my chemo. After my last surgery, the end of May, I was hospitalized not because of my surgery, but because of the pain I work up to in recovery in my left arm and hand. The next morning Dr. Chris Stephenson, who by the way, is the son of the founder of the CTCA, came to my room and but all performed a miracle. As he began placing his hands and working his fingers in various areas of my head, neck, shoulders, arm and hand, the pain left my body . . . literally. I felt like a new person almost immediately, and for a few weeks was pain free.

Unfortunately, the pain has returned during the last couple of weeks. I drop things, can’t open things, can’t close things, can barely hold on to a golf club at times . . . actually, I am typing this blog with my right hand as I can barely open my left hand/fingers from a clutched position. By the way, you may remember a blog I typed almost two years ago with my left hand as I was unable to use my right hand at that time following my stroke.

Monday I had a moment . . . on the number eight tee box. For seven holes, my left hand hurt so badly I told my friend and golf partner Paula I wasn’t sure if I could compete in the upcoming two-day tournament. I sat there and just cried in the golf cart. I was crying because here I am  . . . only a few weeks after we were at the CTCA . . . my life is supposed to be getting back to somewhat normalcy  . . . I’m only 44 years old . . . what is happening to me? Why won’t the pain just go away? Ironically, after I had “my moment” my golf game surprisingly came back together for the remainder of the holes.

Speaking of the golf tourney, we finished Tuesday, finding ourselves at the top of the third flight, but unfortunately, we were not able to hold on yesterday. Neither one of us played well nor did we sister-in-law well, but we looked good! After playing together several times in this tournament, for the first time, we actually wore matching outfits both days in the tournament!

But it’s amazing how quickly things can change . . . how you can feel ok one minute, not great, but ok (I’ll take ok) then but all be begging for relief of pain the next.

Nonetheless, I am encouraged that Scott, with God’s help, worked everything out so quickly for me to be headed to Chicago to see my team of doctors. My faith and trust in Him remain strong, and I have already prayed a prayer, declaring my healing. What I have to remember, it is His time plan and timing, not mine.

Oh! Did I mention? Today just happens to be mine and Scott’s 11-month wedding anniversary. Although we’re spending it apart, we realize what is important in our lives. We’ve also realized we often do what we have to do, not what we want to do. I cannot wait to celebrate our one-year anniversary next month!

Although I’m somewhat discouraged on several levels, I will continue to hold on to His unchanging hand as we encounter the next chapter on “Our Pathway to Recovery”.