Last Tuesday, before we left the Cancer Treatment Center of America (CTCA) -
Chicago, I had an appointment with a physical therapist (PT). They have been taking measurements in order to monitor any swelling. Thank God I have not experienced any swelling as my doctors took a practical approach to reduce it prior to and after my surgeries and it obviously proved to be successful. The PT also wanted to check the mobility of my arms. I told her it was difficult to get my coat on my left arm. I could only get it 3/4 of the way on, then Scott or Austin would have to get it the rest of the way, over my shoulder. Her first question was "Do you own a cane?" I paused a moment, smiled, and said "Yes . . .yes I do". I did not tell her why, i.e. my stroke. I never thought I would need my black and orange cane, again, yet I knew exactly where it was. So, she left the room to get a cane. We she returned, she was showing me exercises I needed to do prior to my next surgery to ensure I regain full mobility. As she is giving me instructions while I'm completing the various exercises with the cane in hand, I stood there thinking . . .this time last year, I was using a cane to walk. A year later, I will use the same cane for exercises following a bilateral mastectomy and the beginning stage of reconstructive surgery. Amazing . . .
By the way, the PT was wearing a fitted cap on her head, but I could tell she was bald. I asked her as politely as I knew how if she also was a cancer patient. With a beautiful smile on her face, she told me no but her husband had cancer. I asked her how he was doing and maintaining her beautiful smile told me he passed away last year. He was diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer. She keeps her head shaved in his memory. A lump immediately formed in my throat, and my heart broke for her. She proceeded to tell me he too worked at the CTCA - Chicago . . . as a chaplain . . . Galations 6:2.
Anyone who has fought the battle of cancer knows how traumatic it can be, especially women who have fought breast cancer. Well, last night was one more hurdle along our "Pathway to Recovery".
Many of you know after we returned from the CTCA last week Scott encouraged me to be proactive and have my head shaved prior to starting chemo tomorrow. He felt this would empower me to be more proactive and stronger if I chose to not let chemo/cancer take my hair away from me . . . and I did . . . sounds like a good title of a book, huh? :)
We were sitting outside last evening, awaiting Jennifer's arrival, and Scott reminded me that I'm in charge of our "Pathway to Recovery", not the cancer. He told me, as he did from the beginning,"You've already defeated this . . . God's got this . . . you're just going through the process, creating a testimony and many blessings to share with others". He concluded by encouraging me to stay on the offense for the remainder of our pathway, not the defense. After this moment, I didn't think there was anything I couldn't do . . . then, the door bell rang . . .
My dear friend and hair stylist, Jennifer, came over after she finished at her shop. Keep in mind, she is a special friend, but I met her at the front door with mixed emotions. What I didn't know was she too approached the front door with mixed emotions.
Being the friend she is, she brought me a beautiful hat box, filled with a few hats. She especially surprised me with a black beret-like hat, which matched a hat she too had. She wanted to surprise me once this was over . . .you know, so we could look alike . . . at least for a moment :) But the surprise was too good to keep :)
We headed upstairs to the bathroom with Scott right by my side. He too was going to get his head shaved as he was not going to let me do this alone . . . Galations 6:2. So, I sat in the chair, with my back to the mirror. Jennifer told me she had never done this before (to a woman, of course). I hugged her and told her it would be ok. Scott cranked up some music, per our request, and it actually calmed our nerves a bit while Jennifer conjured up the strength she had been searching for to do this. But when the sound of the clippers turned on, it took all I had to fight back the tears until I could not hold them back any longer. They streamed down my face, but Scott was there to catch them, as well as my hair that was falling in my lap, on the floor . . . but I kept praying, knowing this is only temporary and just one more step along our "Pathway to Recovery".
When Jennifer finished, she got the black beret-like hats. She put mine on. Put hers on. Then I turned around. We looked cute and had fun posing for the camera, but I still dreaded seeing what was under my hat.
After we had some laughs in our hats, Jennifer told me she was going to step out and give me a few minutes. Although Scott had been taking pictures, he put his phone down and took my hat off, holding me as tightly as he's ever held me . . . Galations 6:2. Then I turned to the mirror and saw myself . . . bald . . . for the first time. I took a deep breath, stood there for several seconds, wiped my tears away, then smiled as I looked at Scott, and said "well, it's your turn!" :)
Obviously, Scott got his head shaved, getting his Marine Corp look again, and he looked as handsome as ever. Austin got his cut some so he too could participate in the family ritual prior to the beginning of my chemo treatments. He wanted to see me hatless, but one time was enough for him. He politely asked me to keep a cap on . . . and I did :) I even wore a toboggan, featuring the Breast Cancer ribbon, Jennifer gave me to bed last night as my head went from being really warm to a bit cool.
I'm not sure I can walk out my door without a scarf or hat on my head just yet, but I am grateful Scott encouraged me to do it on my own will. I'm reminded of our chaplain at the CTCA when she looked at Scott during our first visit and said," Scott, she's in it to win it" and I replied, "yes ma'am, I am"!
No comments:
Post a Comment